ChampionsShe’s Pregnant, What Now?
You just found out your girlfriend is pregnant. An unexpected pregnancy can be one of the greatest life-altering moments couples will ever face, complete with feelings of anxiety, excitement, and confusion. Is it too late to take the morning after pill? What abortion options are there? Do we want to keep the baby? What’s right for us? Both women and men bear responsibility to make an informed pregnancy decision.
Informed Pregnancy decision
But how do you make an informed decision? For men in particular, there remains little guidance available as far as understanding your role during this critical period. Many men view their role during pregnancy and childbirth as simply reactive; or worse yet, nonexistent. This diminishes a father’s significance and perpetuates the false idea that pregnancy and childbirth are solely a woman’s responsibility.
You may want to be involved but may not know how to go about it. You may be concerned that your opinion could come across as heavy-handed, so you stay silent. The sooner a man can be included in the conversation, the easier it is for him to provide meaningful contributions during the pregnancy decision and beyond.
Tips to be supportive
Here are a few ideas for men to actively support their partners by engaging in pregnancy-decision conversations and how women can let them know their input is welcomed.
Communication is key.
None of us are mind-readers. A pregnancy decision is no time to make assumptions about what the other person is thinking. Our worst fears are often far from reality. Open, honest, and compassionate communication is vital for making such important decisions together.
Make a date.
Set a time where the two of you can talk without any interruptions. Set aside cell phones and turn off TVs if possible. Carving out time with this in mind allows you both to prioritize thinking about the pregnancy so that you both can, hopefully, understand how one another feels.
Prepare for change.
Keep in mind, your thoughts and feelings may change as you take the time to share and discuss with one another. Sharing ideas doesn’t mean they are set in stone. Or that the other person should feel and think the same way. And if needed, schedule a follow-up time to discuss things further to give yourselves some time to think on what the other one shared. This is just a starting place to begin the conversation so that neither of you is left guessing what the other is thinking.
Get the facts.
Our feelings are both valid and important, but they are not the only factors to be considered in a pregnancy decision. This is a choice that can affect both you and your partner for the rest of your lives. You have an obligation to educate yourselves about the risks, challenges, and benefits of every option. Seek to understand the emotional and psychological ramifications that can accompany having a baby, making an adoption plan, or having an abortion. Men who understand their partners’ challenges can take proactive measures to ease any concerns or navigate a pregnancy-decision with greater ease.
There’s help! Couples are often surprised to find that there are far more resources available to them
than they might have guessed. Without a knowledge of the many services and community aid, it’s impossible to rightly consider your options. In addition to pregnancy testing and ultrasounds, organizations like Care Net offer private and confidential appointments at no charge to clients to better understand their ongoing needs and make referrals to the appropriate agencies within our extensive list of community partnerships for men and women. Schedule a free appointment today.
Engaging men in pregnancy conversations helps create an atmosphere of support that promotes emotional well-being, cultivates trust between partners, and fosters ownership and responsibility for the outcome. Through cooperative efforts, you and your partner can make a more informed, compassionate, and considerate pregnancy decision. Conversations about an unplanned pregnancy are rarely easy, but open and honest communication, getting the facts, and understanding the resources available offers a clearer path to making the best decision together, for everyone.